12 Oct An Open Apology Letter to the Pepper Grinder

Dear Pepper Grinder,

Listen-I know I made you mad when I put you too close to a heat source and your neck, um, melted.  The months we’ve had together where you’ve almost blown your lid (due to the melt) and ruined my dish have been wonderful -thank you for keeping calm.

Can I ask why it was last night that you decided to blow your top and spill your guts into my sauteed spinach and all over the stove top AND the floor? Was it the way the 2-year old manhandled you? Dropped you? Stepped on you? Was it because he kept calling you “salt?”

I can be thankful for the fact that it was only spinach I couldn’t salvage from your hot and spicy deludge–and not a more expensive ingredient. I can also be thankful that the 2-year old dutifully picked you up and put you in the trash. Lastly, I’m thankful that the dogs wanted to have nothing to do with you.

I’m not, however, thankful that there were 2 lone peppercorns that escaped the clean up and blended themselves right into the stove top. When heating the stove, the smell of your burning flesh not only burned eyes and caused coughing for everyone within a 3 room radius, but it forced me to do the dishes and the clean up last night. And the husband got a hall pass.  For that, I’m sorry!